Not So Easily Forgotten
by plasticineking
Summary: It's been five years, that's three years longer than Kate was actually with the team, yet Ziva realizes, she's very much remembered.


_Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, because if I did...Kate would still be alive, and Ziva and her would've had some great moments together._

_Spoilers: Anything really from season 1-8. In season 7 Gibbs said to Anthony Sr. that Tony nearly died 4 years ago. That leads me to believe around the season end of season 7 the beginning of season 8 time-line it's been 5 years since the death of Kate. So it's basically quite an anniversary of her death. So it's about that time, AU._

_Pairing: (implied)Kate/Gibbs, Kate/Tony (friendship), Tony/Ziva._

_Summary: It's been five years, that's three years longer than Kate was actually with the team, yet Ziva realizes, she's very much remembered._

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><p><strong>Not So Easily Forgotten<strong>

_'Do we even have knee-pads?'_

_'Core inventory's Kate's job. You might wanna ask...'_

_Tony & McGee (Season 3, Episode 3 – Mind Games)_

Five years. Five fast years, to the day, and even though he'll loathe to admit it, there were times when he'd forgotten about her. You'd never be able to blame him with someone like Ziva distracting his long days, but no matter how her hair fanned around her face today he wouldn't forget. Tony wasn't one for being too open with his emotions, a lot of the time he'd spend referring to Kate as 'Agent Todd' making her out to be someone he barely knew, when truth be told she was the first agent he'd ever considered a friend. He looked over at the desk currently occupied by Ziva, and wondered if she knew, knew anything at all about the woman who spent many nights sleeping under that desk, or every day bickering with him. She'd probably looked up Kate when she did a background check on everyone, he knew she had but she'd never know her like he did. He wasn't sure whose fault exactly that was; hers for not asking, or his for not even giving her the option?

Tony's gaze then fell onto McGee, who was also staring at Ziva's desk...Kate's desk. Tony didn't need to wonder why, because he knew, despite the other years where everyone was either too busy, or at least pretended to – so they wouldn't have to think about her – that the day passed before they could think too deeply about it. But now, today, despite the fact Gibbs was talking on the phone about some case, today they would do nothing but think about her. Gibbs, on the other hand was an enigma even more so. He didn't even tell Ducky, someone he's known for years, about the death of his daughter and wife, so him showing emotions five years on about an agent didn't seem likely, and he probably didn't want or wouldn't except any excuses for any of them slackening. So they all grabbed their gear when instructed, Tony flirted lightly with Ziva and teased McGee, who took it all in good grace, and they looked over the crime scene and they did everything the way they were expected.

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><p>Abby wasn't someone who'd stray away, too far, from her feelings. So when Tony and McGee came back and entered her lab, they weren't sure if they should have been more surprised to see the picture of Kate as her screen-saver on all her screens and her freshly dried, but no mistaking, tear stained face. She missed Kate, as much as any of them, if not more. Her fast working fingers managed to take the screen-savers away, and as they placed the the evidence bags on the near-by table, and stared at Abby's back, as she rambled on about the case sounding and looking like a suicide but not knowing until Ducky autopsied the body...then she went onto talk about how she was obviously just making excuses so she wouldn't have to talk about her feelings. It was then she turned around, biting her bottom lip and striding over to Tony, much like soon after she found out about Kate's death, and pulling him into a hug mumbled something that Tony didn't catch at first.<p>

"I really do miss her, you know?" Tony nodded against her. Of course he knew. Despite it being almost taboo. Missing Kate was something they all did. Or at least most of them. Abby moved to hug McGee, stopping short when Gibbs strode in and broke whatever moment was there. Out of them all, they didn't mention Kate at all around him. Maybe others did, but his team were careful to pretend – just like they saw their Boss do – Kate wasn't a member of their team. Their friend. That way it was easier to pretend she wasn't dead. At least that's the reasoning they give for Gibbs never mentioning her.

"What'cha got Abs?" He asked, softly, which showed he didn't really have any expectations, more that he was doing the rounds. Abby shook her head and headed over to her computer, her comfort zone, hoping maybe something would've popped up.

Tony and McGee watched them speak to each other. Maybe they were hoping Gibbs would, break down or something. Mention something about Kate, anything about _that _day. They waited, and watched slightly backed off from Abby and Gibbs playful banter.

"Okay. Right." He said before looking into Abby's back room...noticing the familiar face of his lost Agent on the screen of her computer. He kept his eyes trained on the image as he informed them to ring him if they needed anything, and he would be gone for the rest of the day. He broke his eye contact with Kate's picture, turning and planting a small kiss on Abby's cheek before turning and leaving. Flicking his gaze over to Tony and McGee and giving them an – albeit small – smile.

Bingo. He didn't need to be asked where he was going they already knew. Maybe if they looked back on this date for the last four years, they'd have noticed him doing the same thing, leaving half-day and not answering his calls despite the fact he asked them to ring if he was needed.

Tony smiled slightly to himself. Glad for the confirmation his boss did still care. It was probably mean of him to think anything else, Gibbs and Kate were close. He always wondered if Ari attacked the women in order of importance to Gibbs. The fact he went for Kate first and Abby second and everyone knew of the closeness between Abby and Gibbs. He didn't know. Only person who really would know was now placing the pictures of Kate back on her screens, stating the case could wait.

"Abs." She turned to Tony at the sound of his voice. "Gibbs and Kate. Is there a story there?" Abby raised an eyebrow and leaned against her desk.

"I've always wondered." She smiled lightly.

"But you don't know." He pressed.

"In this case, only two people would really know, and one of them can't tell us." She paused, turning to look at Kate's picture, "And I doubt the other would."

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><p>Ziva was with Ducky when he finished his autopsy. Palmer had taken a sick day and Ziva offered, or maybe she was inadvertently forced, to keep Ducky company. She was taking the body to be put away, opening the 107 drawer when, almost out of nowhere, Ducky slammed – gently if possible – the door back.<p>

"Not that one today dear." He briefly smiled before opening another for her. She eyed him suspiciously before going about her business of putting the body away. She turned and followed straight behind Ducky.

"You will tell me what that was about, yes?" She asked, leaning against a table as Ducky made a noise of confirmation and turned to her.

"Yes. Since you do not know." He paused only slightly, "It's five years today." The normally overly wordy Doctor stated. Knowing simply, after a few moments Ziva would rack through her memories and click to what he meant.

"Ah." She said softly, after a moment. "But you've had many bodies in that drawer since...then. Why is it special, now?"

"Five years is somewhat of an anniversary, for better use of a word. A limestone in the death of Caitlin. I feel I'm doing it out of respect, on this day." There was a long awkward moment, where Ziva obviously did not understand the meaning or feeling behind what he was doing. It was just a drawer after all.

"Could I..."

"Would you..."

They both started to speak at the same time, causing a smile from one and a chuckle from the other.

"You first my dear."

"Could I ask you...a question?" Ziva asked almost child-like.

"Why, of course."

"What was Caitl...Kate like? I have asked but it seems everyone avoids it like the plaque." Ducky didn't bother correcting her, he just smiled and nodded.

"I was just going to suggest if you would like to know anything about your predecessor."

They had discussed soon after that they would take the time to visit Kate's grave. Ziva had smiled at Ducky's expression has he re-told tales of the times Kate was a member of the team. Almost from the beginning to the last moment. When his eyes began to mist up and his words caught in his throat, she brought up visiting Kate's grave. Although Ducky was completely up to the idea, as drives go, it would be a long one.

So they set off together to the parking-lot when they saw Abby, McGee and Tony file into Tony's car and set off, too. Ducky seemed to know straight away where they were going, but it took some time before Ziva clicked.

"They're going to see her too aren't they?" Ziva asked, tightly smiling at Ducky.

"You mustn't be jealous my dear. You two may have been worlds apart but I imagine you would've gotten on well. Five years is a long time," Ducky smiled, although, Ziva noticed, he had a worried face when Ziva started driving.

"Ah, Tony has told you some tales about my driving, yes?" Ziva asked.

"Tony...McGee...some may call them tales, I call them nightmares," He chuckled, "Which reminds me of a time..."

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><p>It always rained, he noted, whenever he came here. He was glad it rained. Like the night after she died, he thought it wouldn't stop raining then. He <em>hoped <em>it wouldn't stop raining. He knew he couldn't stay here long, he never did, he wasn't a vocal person and staying staring at a gravestone, at the place where she lay...it just made him feel things. Lost moments and stolen glances. He knew she did it too. She'd smile over at him while he winced at the computer screens trying to get the focus right. Because he could always feel her. And right here, while he stood at her grave, he could feel her. Feel her eyes on her. Sometimes he'd think instead of speak about how he missed her, because he wouldn't dare. He sometimes felt guilty. He visited her grave more than Shannon and Kelly's but... it wasn't that it hurt more it's that he got into a routine with them, he could feel them with him whenever he closed his eyes, but when he closed his eyes and tried to think of Kate, he'd see her death play over and over in her head, and he couldn't do it, but when he came here, he could remember the good times, the times when they had gotten too close and he'd mutter about rule number 12 and she'd look angry but would obey. He stared the rain getting into his eyes and making him blink repeatedly. It was times like these he wished he believed in ghosts, I mean, that feeling he got when he was here was as though _Kate _was here with him...so maybe she was...and with that, he felt a weight in his stomach and his throat tighten, he stared at the grave for a few more moments, thinking, _Miss you, Kate._ And walking away, bringing his coat closer around him, regretting with every step how the feeling of her being with him left him slowly. Just as he walked away, he heard a commotion of voices, five he counted, he was out of sight he already knew, as he turned he saw his team, all his team, Ziva included, standing around Kate's grave. He smiled briefly, closing his eyes, a slideshow of moments between him and Kate passed his mind before he turned and walked to his car. He was probably there longer than he imagined. He always was.


End file.
